Saying Goodbye-the hard reality of life…sometimes it takes a really long time to be ‘okay’ enough to say it….

Did you see her?, did you hear her, why did you say goodnight, fall to the ground, never to wake again? A long life lived but yet short for those of us left behind….was she waiting for you with open arms and was Alex there too….waiting to greet you? And all those other people who loved you so dearly and left before you did? Were they there too?

Your ‘day’ comes first in the cycle of a year and in my immediate realm. And, it is coming soon. As with any anniversary of life, it’s there, it’s the date that we put the memory to and it needs addressing.

I fulfilled my promise to you and to her….’to never leave an old man alone’ in this world. AND, I came when you called..I came when you were hurting, when you needed me most just like you and she did so many times for so many years for me. I am sorry I couldn’t rescue you from the hospital as you did for me when I was a toddler but you were able to fulfill your wish to leave this world from your own home….on your own terms. I am forever grateful for the blessings of you both in my life.

And, now as we ‘close’ this chapter of our lives and move forward,  I know I must face this world alone- without my gentle giants. Without the two  people that knew me best from the very beginning. It’s time to travel without the two people that gave me the courage and the strength to handle everything that I had to go through this far in my journey in life. It’s time to go on without the two people who could talk me through anything.

I am forever grateful for your example, for your support, for your love.  I am forever grateful for your  acceptance of my little family without judgement and most of all your support of all they wanted to do and be in life. And, most of all, for the unconditional love you gave us all. You would be so proud of my children today. They are good people and successful in all ways in life in spite of all the adversity they faced.

I promised to give myself a year to fully heal from losing both of you and to grieve ALL of you and a year to understand and fully accept the role I was to play in all of this. The tears flow freely now just as they did for her, but hadn’t yet for you;or for him, and now, I let them flow without stopping them, without holding them back, as I know they are the waters that  will wash away the pain and leave in its place the healing.

She, and him who left this world soon after you, and you will all be on my mind, in my heart, and in my prayers until we meet again……❤️

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