I now mourn, what I guess, “is no longer possible”

A friend today told me that I may feel a little sad leaving this home, even though life will be amazing in our future, and it forced me to address the grief that I DO feel. We have been making plans for many, many years to ‘establish’ our “3rd Act”. We knew exactly what we wanted it to look like. We wanted a country like home with room enough for our children to come home to and eventually come home to with their own families. We wanted room for friends and family to enjoy spending the night in our home after a day of celebrating family and friendships. We wanted a peaceful place with trees, near a lake, and a place for a pool. We wanted a place with a fire pit to sit around and look up at the stars and spend time with those we love. A place to make many more beautiful memories.

We are now moving quickly towards these dreams becoming a reality. We are excited but, also, a little sad, as we say goodbye to the people we lost who are now in Heaven and the people who have decided they no longer want us in their lives.  You see, our dream, years ago, when we were planning for this 3rd Act, well, it included ALL those people. While we are so excited and will be so happy with our dream and plans finally coming true, we will also be sad that those we loved now in Heaven will never be able to make memories with us in our new home and they won’t be a part of our 3rd Act even though we do know they will be a part of it in spirit. I will be able to ‘hear’ my brother’s voice as I walk around my backyard and remember his influence on me on how to live a good life and be hospitable to everyone that enters my home. They will be there with me in spirit as I sit on my patio sipping on a glass of scotch. How I wish that we could do that in person on my new patio. I will be able to ‘hear’ my Mom and my Dad each time I work in the garden and the greenhouse or sit on my patio or see and hear the birds. I will be able to hear them in many spots in that house because their influence on us has been huge and I can already see it in our new place and the plans we have for it.

And, for those who have chosen to walk away, those who no longer want us in their lives, you will always be a part of my life in spirit but I can no longer chase after you. Remember, I will always be here for you if you need me.

And now, I must move on and be strong because “those changes are a coming”……’those changes are here’ and I want to embrace them, continue to live the life we know, and continue to be happy and ‘be free to be me’. And, I am so very excited. It’s time to let the old and the past go to move wholeheartedly into our future.

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